A Day (and night) in the Life of a Doula

A day (or night) in the life of a doula

At 5am my phone rings out in the blackness. Despite being deep asleep, my nervous system has been somehow poised to respond, and my eyes fly open. I look at the screen— yep, it’s Chris, my client’s husband. 

“Hi Chris, good morning,” I answer.

“Hi Emily… well, we think we’re in labor,” he says. In the background I hear his wife Erin breathing heavily and groaning softly. We both stop talking, listening to her ride out the surge. After about a minute she quiets down again.

“Sounds great,” I tell him. “How long has she been in it like this?”

“About 2 hours,” he says. “Her contractions are starting to have a rhythm. Maybe 5 minutes apart.” 

From our prenatal visits, he knows that when she moves from outwardly engaged, excited, and a bit anxious, to more internal, primal, and rhythmic, labor is progressing well. Erin has likely crossed the threshold from what might be called “early labor” in “active labor:” simply meaning, she is really in it now. 

This couple lives up in the mountains and is planning to birth at Boulder Birth & Holistic Health. “Could you come up and help us out?” Chris asks. “I think she needs a little extra love.”

“Of course,” I say. “I’ll let you know when I leave my house.”

An hour or so later, I’m standing in their bathroom as Erin rocks under the shower. I strip off my socks, roll up my yoga pants, and stand in the steam with her, giving her hip-squeezes. “I can’t do this, I can’t do this,” she cants. “I know you can,” I say back. I offer her sips of electrolytes and help her get into different positions for comfort.

After a few hours at their house, Erin starts to complain of constant pressure in her bottom, like she “has to poop.” Knowing this is a sign that pushing could be close, I recommend we all head down to Boulder. We fly down the canyon and to the birth center, where Erin gets gratefully into the tub. I won’t leave until 8pm, when baby is Earthside, the placenta has been born, and the family is tucked in to rest for a few hours. 

practicing hip-squeezes prenatally with a client.

So what do you do during the birth?

What a doula does looks different with every birth. Some birthing people need close contact, frequent hands-on adjustments, counter pressure and massage, lots of words of affirmation and reminders of her power. Other birthing people simply require a calm, focused witness; a sister who can hold the energetic space of the birth but remain at the periphery. Some women need songs sung to them, prayers made over them, spritzes of rose water and the burning of sage. Some women need me to remind them to move their bodies and change positions when they are sunk down in exhaustion and discouragement. Some women need to be told it’s okay to get the epidural, or the pitocin, or the C-section.

During my 12 hours with Erin, who strongly desired a physiological birth and chose to labor without the addition of any labor-augmenting medications or medical pain relief, she needed almost all of these forms of support at different times.

Birthing people are in charge 

Talking through hypotheticals about immediate postpartum with a client (“should I do delayed cord clamping or not?” etc.), I remember her asking: “Well, who’s in charge?” 

To which I replied, “You are, of course!”

As women we are so used to not being trusted, to giving our power away. In the vulnerable birth space and with our culture challenges around birth, it might feel like your provider must “allow” you to do something, when in fact, EVERYTHING is up to you! Including how your doula supports you. 

The primary way I support my clients is by understanding their desires and visions for their birth, and doing my best to help them achieve those. This often involves reminding birthing people during labor that they can ask questions and use their voice. It can look like straight-up advocacy if a medical provider is doing something without the birthing person’s consent. More often, it looks like empowering my clients with education during our prenatal visits so that the whole family understands their options, their rights, and how best to self-advocate. 

There can be a misconception in the birth world that doulas and medical providers are at odds. As a doula, I never want to create more tension or adrenaline in a birth room by arguing with a provider, but I will of course intervene on my client’s behalf if she is subject to procedures without her consent. More often than not, doulas work with your medical care team to support labor progressing smoothly and swiftly. Many midwives and doctors I meet express their gratitude that a doula is present. They know births with doulas unfold more quickly and easily, and this brings joy to everybody. 

Postpartum and beyond

Beyond the birth space, doulas offer emotional, educational, spiritual, and physical support during the postpartum period. During our prenatal visits, I help my clients understand the postpartum time and what will best serve their emotional and physical healing. I also support clients as a postpartum doula. This can look like doing womb massage and bodywork, preparing herbal peristeams, cooking nourishing ayurvedic meals, birth processing, holding the baby while she naps, or simply tidying up around the house. Doulas also serve as support and space-holders for families experiencing miscarriage, pregnancy loss, and abortion. 

At the end of the day, it’s my belief that a doula walks beside a woman throughout the motherhood continuum—pregnancy, birth, and postpartum; miscarriage, loss, abortion, and beyond. We serve as sisters, witnesses, and grounded support to help clients navigate these beautiful and tender experiences. 

If you’d like to learn more about what doulas do, you can set up a free discovery call with me here.